The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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