i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
