She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
