Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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