I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
