I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
