Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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