Betty ford says i'm here all night
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
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