One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
