you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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