When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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