we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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