a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
