First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
