Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
