I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
