Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
