I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.Â
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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