my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
