You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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