Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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