I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
