I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
