I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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