I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
