I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
