He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
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Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
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You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize