your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
