Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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