finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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