is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
