shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This baby is an asshole
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
