sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
