how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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