He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
