Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
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She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
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There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize