So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
