is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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