please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Pants are for mortals
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize