Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
