she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
