I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
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normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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