I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
