he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
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drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
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This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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