yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
