This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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