two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
