I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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