found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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