it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
