i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
