it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
This house was built for laser tag.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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