Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
