that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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