oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
