I think scott just propositioned me for sex
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
