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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
