I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
