Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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