I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
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