margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Barsexuality is the new black.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
