Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
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Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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