Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize