I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
