Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
