note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
