please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
