Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
