Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I love you.
Bad choice
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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