everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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