If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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