You can't motorboat a personality
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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