I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
