I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
