Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
