life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
