I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
