Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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