On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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