biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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