It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
