I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
