if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
