Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
