ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
