He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
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He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
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Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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