That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
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His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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