That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
