Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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