if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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